12. Have a torrid one-night stand with a street mutt.
11. Try to understand that the cat is from Venus and I am from Mars.
10. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.
9. Circulate petition that Leg Humping be a juried competition in major dog shows.
8. Call PETA and tell them [...]
Posts Tagged ‘joke’
New Years Resolutions For Pets
December 31, 2007Chess nuts…
December 27, 2007The big chess tournament was taking place at the Plaza in New York. After the first day’s competition, many of the winners were sitting around in the foyer of the hotel talking about their matches and bragging about their wonderful play. After a few drinks they started getting louder and louder until finally, the desk [...]
Cracker Joke!
December 20, 2007Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy
Santa’s Favorite Pizza…
December 20, 2007What is Santa’s favorite pizza?
One that is deep pan, crisp and even.
Christmas Carols For The Disturbed
December 19, 20071. Schizophrenia — Do You Hear What I Hear?
2. Multiple Personality Disorder — We Three Kings Disoriented Are
3. Dementia — I Think I’ll be Home for Christmas
4. Narcissistic — Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
5. Manic — Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town [...]
Christmas Bonus
December 18, 2007Three dustmen are doing their last round before Christmas. The first goes to a house, knocks and finds himself being invited in by a stunning blonde, who takes him upstairs and gives him a good seeing to.
Afterwards, he rushes out and brags to his two pals about it. So the second
decides to try his luck. [...]
Christmas Illness!
December 18, 2007Q: What do you get if you eat the Christmas decorations?
A: Tinsellitis
Down the Chimney
December 18, 2007Q: Why does Father Christmas go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
A: Because it soots him
What? No Turkey?
December 18, 2007Q: Who is never hungry at Christmas ?
A: The turkey – he’s always stuffed
Quick Thinking…
December 18, 2007Three guys kick the bucket on Christmas Eve and ascend to heaven where they are met by St. Peter. “In honor of the season”, St. Peter says to them, “you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas.”
The first man fumbles through his pockets and pulls out two lighters. He holds them up proudly and flicks [...]
